This morning I tried to get past a preliminary black moment.
It didn't happen.
I wrote a bunch of pages this week, my H&H let me in and together we got some really good stuff down on paper. Of course, as is the way with emotions--even fake ones mined from fictional characters--things got messy.
I had written in some confidence issues for him early in the script that I thought I was going to have to take out in re-write, because as I wrote further, he developed past that. It wasn't really lack of confidence, it was an unconscious need to make a safe choice, which had him avoiding even looking at the brass ring, much less reaching for it.
That, in turn, lead to him leading life in a less than confident way. But here approaches the BIG black moment, and those issues are rushing to the fore again. He needs to recognize them before he can get over them.
Problem is, I don't think he's that self-aware. He's aware of the other people in his life, but is very accustomed to ignoring his own needs in favor of what other other people need from him. In other words, chances of him recognizing his need to make the safe choice in time to deal with it are low.
This is my problem as an author. I am now seeing more in his character than he has shown me. I have to strip layers off him that he doesn't want to show me, that he's uncomfortable with even having. Not only having, but admitting in his own mind, and then overcoming so he can claim his woman. It feels like a betrayal to show that to the world without his permission.
Doesn't matter though, I have to make him see that in himself. Get over his damn martyr complex and see the prize he really is. Not just for his happiness, but for my readers, the heroine, and for the benefit of the story.
This is only part of why I can't write today. The other part is because of her, the heroine. She has found her feet. She's seeing the world clearly--except for him.
They are having a little mini-Misunderstanding, that feels a tad contrived in my mind, but is real for their situation. I think mayhaps I need to rewrite her reaction. Less anger, more withdrawal / disappointment. No matter though, I still have to more forward from where they are right now, and into the REAL Black Moment.
He's doing something that is necessary for the reader - going back to his real life, away from the interlude that was their time together. And he has to see how empty that life is without her. She has to do the same thing on her side.
No wonder I'm having trouble finding the words to put on the page. Who wants to read about the misery they're both going to be in? The depression they're courting? Ugh.
I think I have my angle though. I'll let them wallow. They need to feel the depths of their own stubborn stupidity. That way, when the opportunity to seize happiness arrives, they'll both leap forward and grab with both hands.
Now, if I could just figure out the next sentence we'll be in business.
Currently reading: He Loves Me He Loves Me Hot
Currently reading: B is for Burglar
Just finished: Baby Love
Let Me Hear You Say This Shit Is Bananas
2 hours ago