I'm just going to put it out there so I can admit it, get over it and get on with it.
I'm afraid to edit.
I'm not afraid of it because I think that I won't be any good at it, or that I can't do it. I'm afraid of it because I'm worried it will bore me so much it will put me off writing.
I have been woefully unemployed for too long, and writing has returned a lot of joy to my days. Crafting stories, figuring out characters, allowing them to grow while still creating story arcs and something resembling a plot - it's all a blessing.
I'm good at it. That's one of the reasons it makes me happy. The other reason is that writing has finally shut up the little voice in my head that said to me, "You should write. You should write," every freakin' time I went into a book store for years.
So finally I gave in. I wrote. I'm writing. And I love it.
But editing? *shudder*
Editing is a re-examination of your story to chop it, and fix typos, and double-check grammar and tighten the language and take a mere story and turn it into art. But for me, the art was in the creation of the story.
I am one of those delusional people that thinks her first draft is pretty damn good. I am, fortunately, not delusional enough to believe that it's good enough for publication. So there I'll sit, with MS in hand, slaving over lines, and typos and double-checking if I really meant to use that word, noting incorrect POV shifts, re-arranging chapter breaks, and of course, adding new and exciting depth and language to a section to bring it more to life.
I know I'm going to have to get over it. Editing is part of being published. I can write all I damn want, but unless I'm willing to dissect my story, pull it apart, check its roots and then piece it all back together so that the sum of the parts is just as fantastic as the whole, then I can't call myself an author.
I do, however, call myself an author. So I'll suck it up and edit. But I can tell you right now, I won't like it.
Anyone else have editing woes? Share them.
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